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The Ministry in Keeping Quiet

August 31, 2015

Ministry in Quiet (2)When I look at my life over the past twenty-two years as a wife and mother, I see numerous ways in which the Lord has refined and chiseled me. I grew up an only child. Didn’t have to share, didn’t have to wait for the bathroom, had little infringement of my time and space. Add that reality to my sin nature, and I was a selfish mess. Oh, the plans the Lord had for me as I embarked on life with a husband and children. And yes, I may have whined in the process. Literally.

But one of the biggest areas in need of chiseling has surely been my tongue. I’m a talker. From kindergarten, the main feedback my mother received about me was that I talked too much. Talking serves one well in the dating phase, when much of the talk is get-to-know-you and dreams of the future.

But when you’re living that future—with all of its test and trials and the flesh of four people under one roof—there’s a temptation daily to say more than need be said. And while the Lord has worked with me (read: convicted me) on word choice, tone, and even the timing of my words, one of my biggest lessons has been to simply keep quiet.

And here’s the tough part—not only outwardly, but inwardly . . . because I can shoot off lots of words in my head, and I found out that’s not pleasing to God either.

When I follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit to keep quiet, I’m amazed by the ministry that takes place. Grace overtakes the situation. I find myself praying when I would have been talking. I see attitudes diffused in my precious teens. I see hearts softened and turned. I’m awed as peace descends.

But the ministry in keeping quiet extends well beyond home and family life. Wherever we find ourselves in conversation, our heart’s desire should be this—“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14). If at any given moment the Lord lets us know that our silence is what is acceptable, by His grace, we need to offer that. And in doing so, blessings abound.

In this week’s video, I share eight blessings in keeping quiet. I’m far from a pro at this, but I can attest to having had lots of practice. How about you? Have you seen blessings in the times you’ve kept quiet?

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  • Reply Susan M September 1, 2015 at 6:18 am

    Thank you for this video. I was very blessed. So much good wisdom here!

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 2, 2015 at 9:21 pm

      So thankful it blessed you, Susan! That’s so encouraging. :)

  • Reply Donelda September 1, 2015 at 7:28 am

    Amen! This is without doubt an area that God has worked on me in my life. And, I agree that He has used my marriage and family to teach me the importance of keeping my mouth shut. I often stand on I Peter 3:1-2, and pray for that gentle, quiet spirit to manifest in my life. I have found that God is faithful to honor that prayer when we ask in earnest. This is a powerful lesson and so important in our growth and maturity as women who follow Christ. Thanks for posting the video.

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 2, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      Donelda, YES! I prayed those verses from 1 Peter 3:1-2 as well, for that gentle, quiet spirit to manifest in my life. He is indeed faithful! I know it’s nothing but the Lord when I clearly feel compelled to be quiet, and then see the fruit of staying quiet. So thankful for His grace and for the power of the Holy Spirit.

  • Reply Roshunda N. September 1, 2015 at 8:29 am

    Great post! My marriage and family are my greatest ministry.

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 2, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      Love that, Roshunda! AMEN!

  • Reply alli September 1, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    yes im a fuller women, less shallow, foolishness. reading debi pearl created to b a helpmeet part on silence is helpful.

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 2, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      Created to be a helpmeet…..sounds like a great book!

  • Reply Danielle September 2, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Hi Kim! I have not watched the video yet, but I know it will bless me….you know all of my myriad marriage issues to this stubborn man God blessed me with. I made a commitment a few years ago to rein in my tongue and only speak “at” my husband when I felt the Holy Spirit’s prompting. I can attest to the blessing is has been – Bavin hasn’t walked away yet, after everything that we have been through. I’ll admit that at times it feels like a cop out to me (as in, “Am I just keeping quiet to avoid a conflict/hard decision and chalking it up to my holiness?”) and I KNOW there are many people who would balk at what I have endured/put up with/taken with this plan, but I am at peace with what God has put on my heart in this (LONG!) season. To open my mouth and say what I really wanted to in many cases would have shattered my marriage and caused damage to my husband’s emotions. He’s dealing with enough being separated from God – I don’t need to add more on top of it. I try now to speak UP instead of AT, and – while it has been a HARD road – it has been worth it, if only in my own walk with my Father. :) Love and miss you and all the sisters here!

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 2, 2015 at 9:44 pm

      Hey Danielle! You know I’m smiling, seeing you here. :) I cannot emphasize enough how much I love what you wrote. You have shared over the years this very ministry of keeping quiet, and it blows me away every time, knowing the amazing grace that is upon you. YOU should have written this post! You’ve got so much wisdom gained from walking out the hard places. So much lived-out grace. Only the enemy would tell you it’s a cop out to be quiet and keep the peace. You KNOW it’s the Lord, and you wouldn’t be able to do it anyway apart from Him. THIS RIGHT HERE–> “He’s dealing with enough being separated from God – I don’t need to add more on top of it”……Danielle, the hand of God is mightily upon you. You’d better know that. :) “I try now to speak UP instead of AT”……your walk with God has born so much fruit through hardship. Have you seen the movie War Room? You have been warring in the Spirit for so long, and you have to know that God hears and is at work. Certainly, the fact that Bavin is still there speaks VOLUMES with respect to the Lord being at work. You encourage me so much. You made my day by stopping in. :) Love and miss you too!

  • Reply Shan September 3, 2015 at 4:50 am

    This is truth on so many levels, Kim!

    When I saw this post, I waited to watch and read. I knew that this was going to be a big one for me and that I would need time to REALLY process it. Not too long ago, I was a very quiet person who thought long and hard and spoke very little. As I got older, I found myself speaking more. Sometimes speaking up was favorable, sometimes not. I think the key for me at this point is speaking after hearing what the Holy Spirit says. When I was younger and quieter, I did not know how to yield to His thoughts and whispers of guidance. Now, my prayer is that I truly hear what the Spirit is guiding me to say during moments of meditation before speaking.

    Yes, this is one to grow on. I am still a work in progress…

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 3, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      This is so good, Shan! Love hearing your viewpoint from the opposite side. ;-) I’ve always admired people who are naturally quiet, because I figured you didn’t have near the issues I do as far as the tongue is concerned. :D But it really does come down to the same issue for both of us, as you said…hearing that the Spirit is guiding us to say. Amen! It may be to speak up when we want to be silent, or vice versa. Either way, we want to yield. We are *all* works in progress. So thankful that the Lord gives much grace.

  • Reply Tamara D. Davis September 3, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Hi Kim! I watched the video and wouldn’t you know it, the very same night, I had to hold my words. I failed. I normally am very careful with my words because I have been hurt by words and I never want to do that to anyone but that night I was very livid about something and let it be known. Well the next morning, I left the person a note of apology. This person was my daughter. I am learning as a mother of adult children that I have to be quiet and let God minister to them, just like you said in the video. I have to be sensitive to when they are dealing with something so that my words don’t add any more strife to their lives. I am also learning to say or think “as a parent, God didn’t say or do that to me when I made that mistake so I can’t do that to them.” It’s helping!

    • Reply Kim Cash Tate September 3, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      Hey Tamara! First, I love that you have a heart to never want to hurt with your words, having been hurt yourself. When we are livid about something, it’s so hard to stay quiet. And yet, we almost always feel bad afterward because the words that come out during those times are not exactly grace-filled. ;-) I have been there, having to apologize to my kids for my words. I think it’s so impactful for our children to see that we are willing to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. It lets them know we are all in need of forgiveness through Christ. I love this….”I have to be sensitive to when they are dealing with something so that my words don’t add any more strife to their lives.” And often, we don’t know all that they’re dealing with. Thankfully the Lord knows, and can reach their hearts in an effective way. We are ever learning as parents, aren’t we? Praise God for His patience with us.

      I’m reading this after my own post on FB tonight about being challenged in this area, so yeah…..TOTALLY understand.

  • Reply susan October 7, 2015 at 5:08 am

    Good Morning, (Morning here in London) Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    I love every inch of your blog and it is a massive encouragement.
    I am also a blogger, I was looking for things to read and I’m glad I’m going to be blessed with all the material on your blog. lol
    Also what app do you use to create the main picture for your blog?

  • Reply Enoch & Vanalda Nichols December 29, 2017 at 7:22 am

    Dear Kim Cash Tate,

    First of all thank you so much for this wonderful video lesson on the blessing of keeping quiet.

    We would love that other people, in other languages, also be able to learn from it. So my sister – Mercy Nichols – has translated some of your speech into Portuguese, so I would like to publish it here for other Brazilians and Portuguese speakers be able to at least read some of it.

    *A virtude de se manter calado.*

    _Por Kim Cash Tate_

    A língua é um instrumento poderoso; ela é fogo. A vida e a morte estão no poder dela (Tiago 3:1-12). Uma forma de transmitir vida com a língua é de mantê-la quita. Aqui está 1 de 8 bençãos por manter-nos quietos:

    1) Podes ouvir o que está no coração de alguém. Tiago 1:19.
    Sejamos prontos para ouvir e tardios para falar. Assim podemos ouvir tudo o que a outra pessoa queria dizer (Lucas 6:45). O homem bom do bom tesouro do coração tira o bem, e o mau do mau tesouro tira o mal; porque a boca fala do que está cheio o coração.

    2) Cresces em humildade (Filipenses 2:3). Nada façais por rivalidade nem por orgulho, mas com humildade, e assim cada um considere os outros superiores a si mesmo. Quando sempre achamos que nós temos a coisa mais importante para dizer, somos soberbos e perdemos as palavras importantes do outro que podem nos corrigir para nosso bem.

    3) Te tornas um doador melhor.
    Ao tirarmos tempo para dar nossa atenção e ouvir outros comunicamos a elas que são importantes (seja nosso cônjuge, filho, amigo ou vizinho).

    4) Te proteges (Provérbios 21:23). “O que guarda a boca e a língua guarda a sua alma das angústias.” Quando sentes vontade de falar, mas te controlas quietamente, te livras de muitos problemas e pecados. Provérbios 10:19 “No muito falar não falta transgressão, mas o que modera os lábios é prudente.”

    5) Andas em obediência (Efésios 4:29). “Não saia da vossa boca nenhuma palavra torpe, e sim unicamente a que for boa para edificação, conforme a necessidade, e, assim, transmita graça aos que ouvem.” Para uma palavra ser proferida ela tem de ser boa para edificação, necessária e transmitir graça. Se não tens tal palavra, mantenha silêncio. Esta é uma vitória.

    6) Transmites graça ao teu marido (1 Pedro 3:1-2). “Mulheres, sede vós, igualmente, submissas a vosso próprio marido, para que, se ele ainda não obedece à palavra, seja ganho, sem palavra alguma, por meio do procedimento de sua esposa, ao observar o vosso honesto comportamento cheio de temor.” Como esposas, Deus diz que os maridos podem ser ganhos sem palavra alguma das esposas. Não seja a mulher rixosa (Provérbios 21.9). “Melhor é morar no canto do eirado do que junto com a mulher rixosa na mesma casa.”

    7) Tua luz brilha grandemente (Filipenses 2.14-15). “Fazei tudo sem murmurações nem contendas, para que vos torneis irrepreensíveis e sinceros, filhos de Deus inculpáveis no meio de uma geração pervertida e corrupta, na qual resplandeceis como luzeiros no mundo.” Todo dia somos tentados a murmurar de algo, porém quando nos mantemos quietos, brilhamos nosso luz, mostrando de quem nós somos.

    8) Podes ouvir a Deus. Até nas orações, tem a hora de manter silêncio para Ele nos lembrar quem Ele é na Sua Palavra. É um grande ministério sermos quietos, muita proteção, muita graça. Aquietemo-nos para a glória de Deus! Salmos 46:10 “Aquietai-vos e sabei que eu sou Deus; sou exaltado entre as nações, sou exaltado na terra.”

    Obs.: Traduzido pela Mercy Nichols.

  • Reply portia August 19, 2018 at 6:14 am

    Thank you so much i have met your blog when i need it most, i’m a young woman in need of a change,in a process of managing my anger . i find your words very helpful spiritually and mentally and its been two weeks following you on youtube and i already see change in myself.

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