New Year, New Study, (almost) New Hair
I can’t believe I made it to January without telling you all. I so wanted to share the journey I was on. But I kept telling myself to wait until the video was done—and somehow I managed to do it!
Making the video was itself a journey. In the past few years, people have suggested I do Bible or devotional studies on video. I said the same thing that I said to people who suggested I write fiction . . . umm, I don’t think so. I couldn’t see either one, until it was God moving me to do it.
This time, He used hair. You’ll hear the story in the video, but the short version is that a random tweet one month ago led to a decision to go natural again. I wore my hair natural for three years, from 2002-2005, then went back to relaxing it. I have no idea where the “random” thought came from to cut it and go natural again —other than God. What I know for sure is that this is about way more than hair. The hair issue launched me into a personal study this past month on image, both inward and outward.
And next week I’ll be starting a blog/video series on image—and all of its multi-faceted piece-parts. Along the way, I’ll be on a hair journey, ready to cut it all off in about a month. But even that journey is intertwined with the other. I believe God has much to show us about ourselves as we take this trip.
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts about the video, but you have to know this is so outside my comfort zone. You’ve heard me say I’m a private person; putting myself “out there” in YouTube land is a little unnerving. If I didn’t think it was God . . . :-)
Once you’ve viewed the video, I’d love for you to answer these questions on the blog: which do you consider more, your outward or inward image? Has the age of social media made you more image-conscious? In other words, has it made you more aware of what others might think or say about you?
69 Responses to “New Year, New Study, (almost) New Hair”
Yes! I am so excited about this journey and can totally relate. My hair has been natural 20 years (with the one exception of the time I let my hairdresser talk me into getting a “texturizer,” which I didn’t know was a relaxer not left on long enough to get your hair totally straight), but I still have much to say about going natural like I just did it.
I reverted my hair to natural because I was always convinced that if God made my hair that way it was good enough for Him then it should be good enough for me. And I always thought coarse hair was beautiful, the thickness and natural kinks always intrigued me. Even with these feelings, I waited until I was on an internship in another city where I had no family or friends before I cut my hair. I knew that no one would be able to talk me out of doing my great heart’s desire. I cared too much about what other people thought. That was my first attempt at ignoring the naysayers, but there would be more.
There would be more when I decided to lock two years after going natural. There would be more when I decided to cut my locks seven years after getting them. There would be more when I locked again three years after cutting my first set. I’m now nine years into the second set of locks and the comments continue. And every step of the way I have learned so much about my views about my inner and outer beings, wavering between which one is most important. I’ll save some of my thoughts for the series (I have a 28 chapter book outlined about my spiritual journey through hair that I haven’t pursued completing because I’ve known the time was not right; perhaps it’s sooner than I thought with you paving the way).
I know doing videos is outside your comfort zone, Kim, but you are great in this medium. You are a good girlfriend who tells it like it is but doesn’t leave me with just emotion, always bringing the conversation back to the Word of God. Yes, I love you here and look forward to studying with you in this way.
God bless you, Sis, for going forward in obedience so you can bless the socks off us and be a delight to God!
Rhonda, I’m so glad these discussions are coming out because I’ve seen you in pictures and of course know that your hair is locked….but I never considered the spiritual journey that might’ve taken you on. There are so many heart and soul issues that we deal with in terms of image, and hair can be a big one. “I cared too much about what other people thought”….I think we’ve crossed a huge hurdle when we can admit that to ourselves. That allowed you to face the fact and grow from there. I can’t believe you are *still* dealing with comments. “And every step of the way I have learned so much about my views about my inner and outer beings, wavering between which one is most important”…yes! That’s exactly the type of thing I want us to explore. We DO waver between the inner and outer beings. So awesome that you’ve outlined a book about your spiritual journey through hair. I’m sure simply thinking through the outline was therapeutic. Some may think, “It’s just hair”….but it’s so much deeper. I’m really thankful that you plan to share during this series because I’d love to hear more about your journey. And thank you so much for your encouragement about doing the videos. You have no idea how much it means. :-) Blessings to you too, sis!
Happy Happy New Year Kim & Blog Family!!!!!!!!!
I must admit this is my first post in a while. Please accept my apology. I hope everyone’s new year has started on the right path and we have all left 2012 in the past and entered 2013 with NO regrets :-)
I must say Kim, your post this morning is definitely motivating and jaw dropping. First, seeing you cut your hair is going to be painful for me lol. I completely understand why and look forward to this new journey you are about to embark on. I am motivated to do some self-reflection and question my own view of my image.
I will not jump on the natural hair movement lol. I love my creamy crack and have no conviction about it. The only thing that bothers me about females who go natural is the negativity they exert to those of us that still use chemicals. It is the assumption that those of us that do use chemicals are “bound” in some way and not in touch with who we are. I have had people tell me that because I use chemicals I am ashamed of my ancestry and I cannot fully project myself as a proud black woman. Kim I know you would never have such beliefs.
To answer your questions:
Which do you consider more, your outward or inward image?–> I would definitely consider more my inward image. As a female during this “imaging pleasing” society, I must say there are moments where I compare myself to other females. Thank God for celebs such as Tyra Banks that educated the world on industry secrets such as retouching. I have learned my outward image is directly related to my inward image. When I was depressed for a few years, it was visibly noticeable. I did not care how I looked and according to my mother my skin even felt different. My outward man had an invisible haze. As God has healed me and with growing in wisdom, in the past year I have started to care more about my outward man.
Has the age of social media made you more image-conscious?–> I would say no. I have always loved taking pictures so the fact that now I can post them and more people can see them, has not made me more image-conscious. I will say I do make sure that whatever I post either via words or pictures directly represents me. When used right, social media can be an extension of who we are.
~ LaRena
Happy New Year LaRena! Yes, we’ve missed you!!! :) I’m sitting here chuckling at this–>seeing you cut your hair is going to be painful for me”…haha! And you know I’m going to take the video camera to the salon and show it. :) No, you know me….I would never say you’re “bound” if you are using chemicals in your hair. I have chemicals in my hair right now and am not bound. :) I’ve been set free in Christ Jesus….I will always come from biblical truth. But as Rhonda was saying above, God uses the natural hair issue to take many on a spiritual journal of being “free” from things like people’s opinions, etc. (and much more). Always, you should do what God is leading *you* to do.
It’s awesome that as a young woman, you are not caught up in this “image pleasing” society. The inward image is so much more important. And as you said, often what we see of the outward is not even real. Certainly, though, we want to take care of the outward, so I’m glad you’re feeling healthy again! “When used right, social media can be an extension of who we are”…so true! If we keep a right balance and know who we are, we can use social media positively. So glad you shared your thoughts!
Painful for me too but I support her. My sister is natural as well and it was truly a journey for her also.
And I agree with your comment about social media. I really enjoy it.
Wow! I love this new Vlog. What an awesome topic to start out the new year with! Oh yeah, Happy New Year Blog Family! So….I wanna jump right in. I think its a two way street for me. And Kim we’ve talked about this on the blog before. When I have the right accesories and yes, the right hair I feel all beautiful and wonderfully made, but when I’m plain jane, I feel kinda blah. Overall I know in my heart of hearts that’s its the inner man that God sees, but yet the world doesn’t. And even though I’m not of the world or that I do as the world does, I still have to remain living in the world. So I’m working on that, letting my inner man shine! I kinda answered your 2nd question in here too. What I can add is about ten yrs ago, I remember watching some rap video on Bet. Funny, because I don’t even like that kind of stuff. But I think I was in high school and I was showing my mom this to make a point. A point how everyone wanted a light skin, long straight hair, skinny girl. We were both amazed seing this. I thought it was a re prejudice way to look at black ppl. Like if you fit in these categories, you are good but if you don’t, keep trying too. I’m not really sure how social media has an affect on me. The thing is I’m light skin with the “good hair”, and when flat ironed its bone straight, but I’m plus size and guess what I’m happy about it, I don’t have to fit in a size two to be me, cuz I already am me! Anywho- back to hair, the funny thing is I’ve never even heard of chop block, or chop something. I don’t get relaxers, just flat irons, and for me to wear my hair natural, its just wavy. Not to step on any toes but I’m not into the “I’m black and I’m proud” phenonenom. I’m not fully black, in essence I’m a creole girl made of almsot seven races, so I look totally diff that most would expect. To me, when it comes to hair I support any style as long as that individual is comfortable with it. Excited for you Kim with your new look. Oh, yeah I kinda started a blog myself. I have a pic of me with my “natural or wavy hair if anyone would like to see, its http://divainchrist7.blogspot.com. Love yall!
Happy New Year, Kristian! And wow, we get to see your face! How cool after all this time! Yes, it’s definitely true…and I love this about God…that He sees the inner man whereas the world focuses on the outer man. We do have to live in both worlds and find a proper balance. And we definitely have to deal with those “standards” of what’s “beautiful” in the world’s eyes. I wrote my first novel “Heavenly Places” about the whole light skin vs. dark skin, “good hair” phenomenon and the need to see ourselves through God’s eyes. He has made such a variety of us in His image (and you’re a beautiful example all by yourself, made of almost seven races :)) that we’re crazy not to appreciate them all equally. Surely God is amazed that we don’t. Congrats on starting your new blog! “Diva in Christ”….of course! :)
Thanks Kim! :) And yes I read Heavenly Places and I thought Treva was so beautiful even though I couldn’t see her. I felt her pain of what she went thru with the light vs dark thing, because I used to go thru the skinny vs big thing. But good ol Hez and Jillian always reassured Treva of her beauty and I was glad at the end she finally felt that way and received that God made her whole. I recenltly heard a Pastor say that brokenness os the gateway to wholeness. I’m right there on the path to wholeness too!
I’m excited for your big chop too Kim! And I love what you reminded us of: that what God thinks is the ONLY thing that matters!!! We all have to start taking that seriously, or we will miss out on God’s best for us, and on what God wants to do through us in the lives of others. We will miss out on bringing Him glory. They say public speaking is the most common fear, and after that, the fear of flying. I would say it’s what others think of us that is the most common fear. “The fear of man will prove to be a snare.” Proverbs 29:25 I’m so glad you are doing this and talking about this! It’s a daily struggle for many of us, including me. It probably just looks different in each persons life. Love the video!
Hey Angie! Thanks for your excitement! :) Yes, can you imagine if we operated from a standpoint of only caring what GOD thinks? Wow…such freedom! I think I agree with you that fear of what others think is the most common…it’s so pervasive. Not everyone will face public speaking or flying, but we ALL have to deal with people’s opinions. So glad you included that verse. That’s definitely one to keep in mind. You’re so right that it looks different in each person’s life…we all have different issues, but we can all benefit greatly from focusing on God and not man. So thankful for your encouragement about the video. :)
OuOuOu!!! “What God thinks is the only thing that matters”. You know what…I’m memorizing that. He can take care of what others think!
Hi blog family! What a great video!!!! I absolutely enjoyed it. Well Kim, you said you wanted a post to talk about my “surprise” and I think this ties in perfectly. Family, on Saturday, December 1st, 8 of my friends (one of them being my sister) from church got together and surprised me with breakfast, a makeover (haircut and color as well as outfit), dinner and a photo shoot. They even arranged for a limo to pick me up early that morning to take me to the shop where all the glitz happened. That weekend changed my life.
I am a firm believer that our inside beauty should be primary. What we have on the inside will ALWAYS radiate to the outside, regardless of how we try to dress it up or make it up. I like looking nice on the outside but because I struggled with confidence for so long, I didn’t always take an interest in being presentable. The reason why that weekend changed my life is because those women got together and planned a surprise just for me, just because. It was not my birthday or any other significant day. However, the ministry of the Holy Spirit after that Saturday is what changed my life. As I was looking at the photos from the shoot, I kept hearing the voices, you know the ones that point out all of your flaws. They were saying “see, look at your face, it’s so round and fat. And oh, look at your gut on this one. Oh, I wish I could crop this one. Your arms are really big. You have grandmamma arms.” Right in the middle of my mental critique, the Holy Spirit said “STOP! This is who you are now. You are not 20 years old anymore. Tamara, this is who you are NOW. All of you!” So, I got up, went to the mirror and claimed every party of me—rolls and all! I told myself that I finally accepted ALL of me no matter what I looked like now. Talk about a celebration! I used to have a certain way my pictures had to be taken. Not anymore! I am free from that! Praise God!
I’ve always admired women who dressed nice and had great style. I just think we should look nice and presentable when we walk about the door. I am the daughter of a King and I should look as such. I just didn’t know how to accomplish that. I am still keeping up with my makeover and my friends are helping me. My inner beauty was screaming to get to the outside and it finally made it. I shared a testimony Friday night about how I didn’t even think I was pretty until around my early 30s. It was all because a lady told me I was ugly when I was 8 and being that I was raised in a generation where whatever a grown up said was the truth, I believed her. Just like no one can convince you the sky is not blue, you couldn’t convince me that I wasn’t ugly. Only a move of God revealed my beauty to me. I used to think “well, since I am ugly, I will make sure that my personality is beautiful and pretty.” Oh, how I praise God for Psalms 139:13-14!
Image is important but it MUST start with the inside first and work its way to the outside. Anything God does always starts at the root. Looking forward to the next video!
P.S. The image of God is the only image that matters to me. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be pretty like the other girls because they seemed to get all the attention from boys. I got none. Now I know, even then, there was something unique about me.
Oooh Tam! What great victory!!!! Praise God for this victory in your life….Amen and Amen….
Thank you Kristian!
Hey Tamara! Thank you! :) Okay, so I think you shared that before about the woman’s comment when you were 8 but it still makes me so sad. Who would SAY that to anyone, let alone a child?? I was actually thinking about this a while ago, how comments made when we’re young stick with us and shape our image. It just sickens me that someone would do that. “Only a move of God revealed my beauty to me”….the power and the love of God! And then to think how He moved those women to pamper you in that special “just because” way (totally God loving on you), and THEN ministered to you through those photos! Praise God for freedom! “Image is important but it MUST start with the inside first and work its way to the outside”…amen! So glad you shared all of this. Such a powerful and important testimony!
Hey Tamera
I usually don’t comment on others but I had to comment. Everything that you started is right on point. I can relate to what you said. So glad you shared. :)
Yaaay I am so excited to follow your journey as I continue on my own. Me myself I am more concerned with the inward me because if that is not in order then the outward me will not be pretty. There is no way I could allow social media to mold me because it is so unstable.
Kim, I love how you put this…”if that is not in order then the outward me will not be pretty.” How true! And I totally smiled at the social media comment. That’s true too! :) Thanks so much for being part of the journey!
Oh KIM!!! I just loooove you…after seeing this video I sooo want to get down your way and have us some Cheesecake Factory food together. :) You make me smile.
Now. About the whole hair thing. I think you can tell from my picture, I’m white. But I have currlllyyy hair. And it is fine. (Texture, not “man, that woman’s hair is fine”…you know what I mean). Now, jealousy is not of the Lord, but I have to tell you, I am going to be jealous when you do this. I want Halle Barry’s hair (umm…I’d probably be happy with her muscles too but that’s another story — or wait, is it????) Anywho…I want Halle Barry’s hair or you know,the hair of one of those beautiful black models with the super duper short almost shaved bald TWA’s (new to my vocab…wonder if my hair stylest would know what that is…)…alas, I have a white girl’s short curly hair…so pixie cut it is :). I am sure this is much more information than you wanted but there you have it.
Image…I’m 53. Muscles are missing and moving when they shouldn’t. Lord, help me age with grace!!! But here’s what I am hoping I can live out (and its a challenge)…Yes, I want to look good, but I want to look good in a way that worships God and blesses His purposes but that “looking good” is not my focus. How I look is part of who I am — not who I am. Does that make sense. And who I am — the essence of me — who God has made me to be and is making me to be in Jesus Christ and the work and fruit of His Spirit IN me is really my deepest concern (or I am seeking to let it be my deepest concern). The fact is when His Spirit bubbles out and flows over in my life is actually what others will SEE. (And p.s. this dosen’t mean that there are no flaws to fix or issues to deal with that others can’t see — in appropriate times and ways that needs to be part of what is seen so others can SEE Jesus at work!!!)
Social media. Yikes. That whole question makes my head hurt. Social media is another way for me to put my foot in my mouth….then what will people “think” of me (as if they really spend all that much time thinking of me at all — :) )
Bless ya, BIG in this. I will pray hard against the spirit of jealousy in me as I follow you in this journey. Its my issue — not yours so carry on my Sister!!!
Have a wonderful New Year, Kim
love ya…Debbie
P.S. Kim…wishing I could post a picture of Megan…she has gone for years with a shaved head and looked so beautiful!!!!
I’ve often wished we could post pictures on here! I wonder if there’s an app for that :-)
Debbie, I am laughing so hard at you right now! LOL OMGoodness that was funny! (The part about Halle’s hair). Here is something interesting. When I got my hair cut in 2010, I looked at pictures of mostly white women because you all have some of the most beautiful cuts and styles.
:)
P.S….you’re comment made me grin pretty big too!
Hi Debbie! Funny thing, I just thought you were a real light skinned sista, lol. The funny thing my mom is your complexion, and most ppl ask us almost on a daily basis, “What are you?” I simply reply, I’m a Christian, I dont identify myself by race. Something you said, really hit me” :How I look is part of who I am — not who I am.” This is soooo true and sooo profoud to me. I will be marinating on that for a few days. Thanks so much sister in the Lord!
Well now I just feel so complemented I can’t tell you!!! I’m grinning ear to ear!!! :) In our hearts we really are Sista’s!!!!! YAY!!!!
P.S. girls, back in my younger days (say 30+ years ago) I fit in well with the 70′s — my hair just grew in a wedge. Then on a trip to Chicago I discovered “World of Curls” gel…I was stylin’.
Debbie…and *I’m* smiling because I realized you’ve probably never heard “me” talk. :) You probably heard The 700 Club interview, which was the formal interviewed “me”….but not the me sitting around talking to a girlfriend. Not that I was talking to a girlfriend (a camera is a very poor substitute), but I wanted to capture that same conversation style and just be “me.” So I’m totally thrilled that you’d want to have cheesecake with “me!” :D
Okay, so I found the currrllyyy hair part so interesting! Here’s why…. I recently read a book called “Curly Girls,” written by a white woman with curly hair on a crusade to get other curly girls to embrace their curls. As she told her story (and others in the book), I realized that black women aren’t the only ones who try to get away from their “curly” natural hair…which further confirmed that image issues….even hair issues….are across the board (which is, like, “duh,” but you know…:)). Now to the Halle comment….yes, I was laughing like Tamara. Just so you know, the short pixie Halle cut is not a TWA (which is the teeny weeny afro), but I get your meaning. :) But your main point…wanting that super duper short cut is interesting! Actually not more info than I wanted to know….I could hear more! :)
And boy, do I know what you mean about aging with grace. You saw the gray hair in the video, didn’t you? “How I look is part of who I am — not who I am. Does that make sense.”…YES, and I LOVE that! If you hear it in a video….hehe Amen…may people see the Spirit bubbling out of us. If that’s the case, what do a few gray or curly hairs matter??
You made me smile big with this post, Debbie. Love you dearly!
Hey Y’all!
What a great discussion to start the year off with. Add Bible study to the mix and there ya go. I am pumped about this. PUMPED!!!
Where do I begin…
The natural hair journey for me has been more of a spiritual journey, in truth. It has been about knowing myself. It has been about gaining confidence in who God made me to be. It has also been about loving the naked, raw, stripped down Kim. If I had to summarize my journey in words, I would say it’s totally about living ALIVE (in the natural) on every level. My journey continues to uncover so much. I know we’ll be going deeper as Kim discusses this topic so I will hold off on additional comments for now, but…I want to share this: being natural for me is about the inward man, no question; being processed, as it were, was more about the outward man. That speaks only of my walk. More to come on that.
Tamara, I loved your roots comment. Yes!
Debbie, you are all the way live. Tehehe…
Rhonda, what great insight.
LaRena, growth is beautiful, and it’s right where we are. Thank God for that.
Kristian, 2 words: Book Club!!! ;-D
Angie, Proverbs 29:25. Headed that way for a Scripture study. Thanks.
Kim, bring it!
Happy New Year, family!
Yes, this topic has been such a great start! And you know, I am sitting here thinking about how much effort I put into making my inside beautiful, because I had no hope for the outside, and how it actually worked for my good! Romans 8:28 I spent so many years thinking my outside was ugly and now, I get the pleasure of learning how to adorn myself with the look of a daughter of a King. I think going this way is much easier then it being the other way around.
Adorning self as the daughter of a King – are there any other words to say? Oh that we would all walk in that place and position of beauty. That we would see and accept ourselves as God fashioned us.
Thank you, Tamara, as always, for your wisdom and your heart.
Glory to God!!! I love how He made me :o)
I just have to tell the blog sisters that Kim helped me process a lot of what God was saying to me about all of this. When I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to do this (my own hair journey as well as the study), I knew it was the Spirit but at the same time, another voice was saying, “It’s just hair. It’s not a big deal.” Kim had emailed me about another topic, and I threw out the question, “You’re natural, aren’t you??” From there, she broke down her journey and I knew it was God…and she let me bombard her with follow-up questions. So publicly, thank you, Kim, for letting God use you throughout this process!
And though I’ve heard some of your story, I’ve not heard you say this, this way…”being processed, as it were, was more about the outward man”…deeeep! I’m just shaking my head. I have to say that’s true of my walk as well. Oh, man….yes, I’ll be awaiting the “more to come.” This is going to be so rich. I KNOW it. Praying for God to do His thing!
Kim, this is soooo cool that you said “Kristian, 2 words book club”. I love it! I’ve wanted to start a book club for soooo long now…..I’m gonna start seeking God about this. I appreciate your feedback.
Ahhh Kim ya got me got me!!!! I’m so excited for you on this not only hair journey but heart journey. I know the Lord will do amazing things through you on your blog but also your videos. Have no fear my friend! With that I want to talk about my own hair journey. I started going natural last May. I did it for two reasons one I was like God made and said I was good why am I altering what he gave me. I did not come into this world with straight hair. Secondly I know one day I want children and hopefully a baby girl and I do not want her to have to get relaxers or even worse mommy has straight hair why don’t I. So I did it to get back to my natural state but also leave a legacy. Besides I can save money by doing my own hair. So far on this journey I really have looked at where is my identity and why do I care so much. I want to get to the place my mom got to before she passed, where she was so caught up in Christ that what others said about her didn’t even matter because she knew what her Lord and Savior had to say. I currently do consider what people say because I want to be “hip” after all I’m 23 and waiting for Mr. Right so I wanna look good. Yet I’ve really had to re-evaluate that motive so I am more focused on the inside/ my heart instead of the out/ my appearance. Not to say I’m going to let myself go and look like a crazy woman you do need to care for your body but image is not everything. You can be the most beautiful woman and have the ugliest spirit on the inside. Social media does have an influence on how I view myself. Again this is not as much as it did in the past, but social media can be powerful. I have to limit and avoid certain things so I do not fall prey. I am working on not being so wrapped up in what others thinks and do thing based on what my heavenly father thinks and bottom line what does Felecia want and what is the image I want portrayed. Sorry if I rambled and made no sense lol love you guys smooches!!!!
Hey Felecia! Wow, you recently started your natural hair journey! I love hearing the reasoning behind your decision. I also love the questions you’ve asked yourself….”where is my identity and why do I care so much?” Those are very important questions worthy of continued reflection. What a blessing that you had a Christ-focused example in your mother! Even though you’re saying you’re 23 and want to be “hip,” your mother clearly has had great influence over you because at a young age, you’re re-evaluating your focus. It sounds like you have a proper balance in mind between wanting to look good (of course :)) but understanding that image is not everything. And it’s very wise to be aware of the ways in which you need to limit and even avoid social media…you go, girl! You were not rambling at all. I could feel your enthusiasm for where you are in your walk with God, and I’m excited for you. And I’m excited to join you on the hair journey! :) Love you too!
Aaahhhhhhhh!!! I am so excited for you and with you!! You hit the nail on the head…I transitioned for fifteen months and then I chopped and guess what I have myself a few videos on YouTube too! This journey is about so much more than hair. I have discovered that as my hair gets bigger I find myself checking and saying that might be too much..lol! Of course that little voice inside says “too much for who?”
So yes, at times I am way more concerned about outward image than inward image. However, I don’t think that social media made more conscious of it. When I started my natural hair journey, it was finding all these videos on YouTube that made me more comfortable. I have to say though, that sometimes I don’t walk in the spirit. I allow the flesh to bring me down and make me feel self conscious, when really I should be Spirit conscious!
Well I know God is going bless this and use you to be a blessing to everyone else! Thank you!
Kara!!!! I’m so glad you’re excited with me!!! I saw this and said WHAT?!?–>”guess what I have myself a few videos on YouTube too”….where?? And why didn’t I know this? Post a link please. :) I think it’s so interesting that you’ve got a little voice in your head at times saying your hair might be too much….because you know I love your hair! It’s so full and pretty. But it just goes to show that we can fall prey to those thoughts at any given time about any given thing. We have to stay ever “Spirit conscious” (love that) and not self conscious. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we just all got over ourselves? :D I’ll be pestering you for tips to get that full pretty natural look. :)
Okay Kim here it is the link but I’m not as professional… Plus I ramble sometimes, lol!
http://m.youtube.com/results?q=natmomo3
Let me know what you think:) my first video I did three months after I cut my hair….
By the way you seemed super comfortable in front of the camera! I loved it! I can’t wait for next week:)
Kara, watched the hair videos and loved seeing all your stages since you big chopped. And I was totally smiling at your soft voice …you’re so cute! :) You swat away those thoughts of your hair being “too much” as soon as they come. It’s beautiful!
Thank you so much!!!!! Lol! My father and brothers always tease me about my voice:) something’s never change!
Great Video Kim.I loved it!!
I’m not on the natural kick yet. I’m really thinking about it. I get relaxers twice a year. So like every 5 to 6 months because before the relaxers were too strong for my hair and my hair was thinning really bad. I wanted to go natural last year but I chickened out and got a relaxer because I couldn’t maintain it. I had so much new growth and I didn’t know what to do.So I went and got a relaxer. When I was thinking about going natural I always thought about my outward image. I have the big lips(had these lips since day one lol), and the big nose, the chubby cheeks and the fat face. I always thought about the negative. Growing up I was always picked on about my lips and my nose. Mainly my lips because they were so big. Then on top of that I have gained weight and my face got fatter. So I told myself ” Ciara its not gonna work” So I didn’t do it. Like Tamera stated before I was called ugly by kids growing up. Which is why I don’t have many fiends my own age.
At times I do care what others say, but now that I’m a little older, it really doesn’t faze me as much I go with what I want and if they don’t like it I’ll just keep it moving. I’ll say its on my body and not yours and keep it moving. My family and friends call it coming out of my shell. LOLOL So I’m still on the fence!!
Ciara, this breaks my heart as much as Tamara’s story. Being picked on about your outward appearance growing up and called ugly? That’s awful! I really don’t think there’s any way to overstate the impact that can have on a child….and it follows the child into adulthood, just as you’re stating. I’m glad you’re moving beyond it as you grow older. I pray that God would replace all of those negative remarks with the truth that He molded your lips, nose, and all of your facial features….fearfully and wonderfully. I pray you see yourself as God sees you, not on the basis of what mean-spirited, immature kids said about you. The hair is not important. Do whatever you’re led to do. But at the same time, I pray you’re not led by those long-ago comments that are stuck in your brain, but rather by the Spirit. I know God will do that work in your heart, and I’m praying He will!
Ciara,
I can feel your pain but shuga, we are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made. And when you believe that with your WHOLE heart, nobody will ever be able to make you feel inferior in any way. My daughter has plump lips and she embraces them (if this child buys another tube of lip gloss….)
My siblings used to pick on my nose. It’s still the same size—I just grew into it LOL
Tam, as always you are putting wisdom and love out there! Is it so bad for me to tell you that of all that love, this is what made me bust up: “(if this child buys another tube of lip gloss….)” :) You are too funny!!! Thanks for bringing a little humor to this deep discussion!
Danielle, my daughter is a girly girl to the utmost. I, on the other hand, was not! I struggled with raising a daughter that was such a girl. Now that she’s almost 17, I’ve learned some lessons from her. To be 17, that girl has more grace in her pinkie than some women have in their whole bodies. I was nowhere near that confident at her age.
I forgot to mention another reason I didn’t cut my hair because of religion reasons. I’m Pentecostal and we don’t believe in cutting our hair. Ummm….yeah I believe in cutting my hair. I see it as I’m not ministering so I’m going to cut my hair. I actually did about a year and half ago.
Congrats!!! I look forward to witnessing this journey and the many insights I’m sure you will share. I like being natural and the versitility it brings. It has had a spiritual impact on me as well. I don’t feel bound by the world’s standards of beauty. :-)
Thanks, Yolonda! I think I will really enjoy the versatility element this time around. I kept the short fro before, but I’m looking forward to growing my hair natural and experimenting with styles. I’m finding it interesting how many are saying there’s been a spiritual impact. “I don’t feel bound by the world’s standards of beauty”….that little sentence is packed with a lot…wow! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing this, sis!
Happy New Year everyone! I love this topic on image as it is something I need to stop being concerned about. I am frequently thinking about what people will think about me and I KNOW I need to be freed from that.
I went natural about seven years ago, but it was for a vain reason. My hair couldn’t handle relaxers and highlights so I had to choose between the two and the highlights won! Covering the gray became more important to me than relaxers. With that being said, I still wear my hair straight more than curly, thanks to high powered blow dryers and flat irons. Funny thing is right now, I’m wearing my hair naturally curly. I’ll probably keep it like this for the next week or so. Everyone tells me it looks nice, but I’m still self conscious about it.
I’m looking forward to the videos and ongoing discussions as I definitely have some growing to do in this area.
Thanks Kim!
Happy New Year, Stephanie! Wow….I have to say I so appreciate your transparency. So many of us think about what others will think, but might not be willing to voice it even to ourselves. The fact that you’re aware of it means God is moving you closer to being free of it. :) And THIS…”…but it was for a vain reason”…you are so honest with yourself! I love it! But how funny because I’ve had the relaxers while the gray has been sprouting and sprouting…:) Debbie and I said above that we wish we could post pictures here, and I’m thinking the same now….I’d love to see your hair naturally curly! If everyone is telling you it looks nice, IT LOOKS NICE. I’m sure of it! :) Really looking forward to your ongoing input, sis. Thanks so much for sharing this!
I am really excited about this post. I applaud everyone for sharing their real struggles with this. we can’t conquer what we don’t confront.
Me too, Tamara!….I’m so thankful for everyone’s openness from so many different angles. We say it all the time, but that’s what I love about this blog. It wouldn’t be what it is without you all and your willingness to share from the heart. Thank you! Love you!
Truth!!!
which do you consider more, your outward or inward image?
Both are important to me…i want what i show on the outside to be reflective of my inside. i make a conscious effort to be beautiful – but because others see me before they get to know me, if i’m being honest i would say my outward image. When I went natural, for a little while I was very self conscious, until one day when I thought my hair looked awful, someone said my hair looked nice. Made me realize i’m too focused on what others think and aint nobody looking at me that closely. (ps..my hair is the nappiest kinkiest there is).
Has the age of social media made you more image-conscious? No.
In other words, has it made you more aware of what others might think or say about you? No, it hasn’t but that’s just me.
“Made me realize i’m too focused on what others think and aint nobody looking at me that closely”…that made me chuckle because it’s so true! We can become way too me-conscious. And sometimes one negative comment can poison the well, so to speak, so we think everyone else feels the same way. But oh, the freedom of not caring at all about what others think! I hear you on both outward and inward being important. We will get to that balance later in the series…I’m looking forward to that discussion!
Happy New Year Kim,
First let me say congrats on your decision to do the big chop once again. It is very freeing and liberating to be natural. I love it now. I love my curls. I’m learning ways to do beautiful natural styles. My last relaxer was June 2009. I let the relaxer grow out about 2 years and then I cut it and wore a short bob. I never did a “big chop”. I totally believe it was due to how others would view me (especial my very corporate-navy blue suit, white button down shirt, black shoes-investment brokerage firm job. I was there 12 years and lived in a total box smh-never being the real me. I hated being in that box/square. I’m more of a circle lol). Sorry I digressed LOL. So yes, I guess I cared more about what others would say/think. The older I get the more I am concerned about my inner man. Don’t get me wrong I dooooo very much care about my outward man (as I am a licensed cosmetologist and I possess a make-up artist license as well) but now Im more concerned about my heart, my mind and thoughts. But you know as it relates to makeup you can have a neutral/natural look as well LOL . But yes, I do think social media has made me/alot of people verrrryyy self/image conscious.
I’m excited about his series we are taking with you Kim! Can’t wait until next week!
Your blog friend from your home town, Mona
Happy New Year, Mona! I didn’t know you wore your hair natural! Another blog sis I can go to for product and styling helps! :D I totally understand not doing a bc in a corporate environment. If I still worked in that type of environment, I’d probably do a longer transition because (right or wrong) the question of “what will they think?” looms larger with respect to work. Once again, I’m wishing I could see a picture of your curls! :) “The older I get the more I am concerned about my inner man”….I’ve been feeling the same. I’m sure most of it is spiritual growth, but plain being OLDER has something to do with it too, I think. I’ve seen enough and been through enough that I know most people are confused about what *they* need to do, so why should I care what they think? (And yet, I do in fleeting thoughts like I shared in the video….lol) Also didn’t know you’re a licensed cosmetologist…very cool! It’s interesting that while makeup is “outward focused,” it truly can be a wonderful way to enhance one’s image, as we’ll talk about when we get to “balancing” the outward and inward. I’ll be looking forward to your comments on that one! :)
Hi all! Wow, I am late to the party, but I have been loving these comments – some made me laugh (Debbie!) and others were really deep and insightful, but this has been a great thread!
First off, Kim – I loved the video! It was so great to be able to “see” you, and I thought you did great! As someone who hates to be in front of people (yes, I WAS a teacher for 6 years, but that is different…….trust me), I know what you mean about being outside your comfort zone, but it really did feel like you were just talking to a friend! :) I am so excited to watch you on this journey!
So…..as someone who can totally NOT relate to the issue of natural hair, me being a white woman with stick-straight, thin, fine, hair that won’t do a thing but hang there, I can relate to the issue of wanting my hair to be something other than what it is. When I was younger, I was SO jealous of friends and peers with long, perfectly curly and styled hair, and I never understood why they told me to “be careful what you wish for!” Now, with a little daughter who has the CURLIEST hair imaginable, I am learning what they mean. I have learned to love (or at least tolerate) my hair – it’s been with me for 35 years, and I can’t do much with it, so…..oh well…..it looks ok. I will never forget that after our wedding, my husband looked at my hair, which had taken many hours of teasing, bottles of hairspray, and about 100 bobby pins to hold it in place, and said “I like your hair like that….you should wear it like that more often”, and I just laughed. Poor guy – went from that to a wife with an almost-always-present ponytail or clip. :)
Now, on to the questions, Kim…..I think I consider both my inward and outward image, although the inward has become an ever-increasing focus as I grow in age, faith, and wisdom. I do WANT to look nice and stylish when I go out (although with little ones running around, it makes that more of a dream than a reality!), but I am realizing that that outward appearance really doesn’t matter. I think having a baby started that change – I am a MOM, and would rather spend my time with my daughter (and her soon-to-arrive sibling!) than worry about my hair, clothes, etc. I’m lucky if I get the chance to put on lip gloss sometimes, but it doesn’t really matter…..I have a higher calling now.
I DO want to try and keep my outward appearance presentable and nice, especially for my husband, but my heart and behavior are really what is important, especially when it comes to my Father. I don’t think it is wrong to want to keep our outward appearances nice and all, but not at the expense of our inward “self”. Like many others have mentioned, someone could be the most beautiful person on the outside, but be ugly, ugly, ugly, on the inside. Not good! It makes me think of Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
As far as social media, I don’t think it has made a HUGE difference in my awareness…..I must admit that I have always been a little (ok, a lot – I still wrestle with insecurities and feel like a high school freshman in new gatherings/situations…..) conscious of how others perceive me, and that has not gone away, but it has faded somewhat through the years, and now I CAN say that my focus is what God thinks, not what “man” thinks. It’s freeing, to say the least!
So….there it is. I have REALLY rambled in this post, so I apologize, but I hope I made some sense! :)
Blessings, everyone, and I can’t wait to get this study started!!!!!
There is no such thing as rambling on this website right here :) And perhaps for your next wedding anniversary, put the do up and surprise your husband. As I like to say “go ‘head and be good, grown and married!”
I love it! I might just go ahead and do just that!! :)
Hey Danielle! Thanks so much for your kind comments about the video. What I think I love most IS that you all get to “see” me. You only learn so much about someone from the written word. We’ve been walking this path together for some time, so it’s kind of fun to be able to be more of myself in that medium. Now onto hair! :) This thread is blowing me away with “admissions” of wanting our hair to be something other than it was. And it’s even funnier that I read in the “Curly Girl” book that many girls with curly hair wanting your stick-straight hair! :) Tooo funny that your husband said he liked that look O_o but hey, one hair thing we have in common is the ever-present ponytail….which soon, we won’t have in common anymore. haha
Interesting that you mentioned growing in age too (as well as faith and wisdom, of course). I was just talking about this above, as it related to becoming more inward focused. Now that you mention it, I think having kids did alter my perspective some about how I “looked”….who had time to worry about it when you’re cleaning spit up and changing diapers?? :) I can’t wait until we talk about positive aspects of outward image. You make some great points, and I’m trying to restrain myself from getting too much into it. You even used my verse! lol But of course you would….you ladies are iron-sharpeners. And as Tamara said, there’s no such thing as rambling here…are you kidding? We *love* this stuff! You not only made sense, but you dropped great wisdom!
LOVE Tamara’s suggestion about the anniversary….DO IT!!!!
Happy New Year Kim and all! I am believing and trusting in God for bigger and better in 2013 and beyond. I am in a place of expectancy and know this year and beyond God is going to move in my life like never before. I’m for the first truly content and excited. This really came as a result of a transformative mindset and emotional healing through Christ Jesus, understanding His truths and believing I can be and have all that He has for me as His child.
Kim I would like to preface my answer to your questions by saying that I came back to your site when I recently heard a powerful word on relationships but the pastor made a very quick reference to identity and as Christians ours being in Christ v. skin color which reminded me of your book “More Christian than African-American.” WOW!!!! How much I have genuinely felt this way but have been ostracized for feeling this way.
I don’t count it a coincident that the very first post I would read is dealing with hair. I know for most women of all shades and hues our hair really is our crown and glory but I believe it really does take on an extra special meaning for black women. Whether we go natural or chemically enhance it, our hair really is a strategy and tool in how we navigate our lives. Do we perm it for the job interview, then decide to wear braids and go natural when we land the job? Is it easier or more difficult to manage natural hair, esp. when you consider the grade and/or texture?
I personally have worn my hair permed/relaxed since I was 13 and am now in my late 30s. The only “natural” way I’ve worn my hair was when I get a braided style and the perm “grows out” but very quickly after taking the braids out I’m in a chair getting based for my relaxer. I also made a switch in the mid-90s from black hair salons to Dominican salons and have found great success as a patron of Dominican hair salons.
Kim I applaud you for making a decision about your hair in which God has given you peace and assurance about it. In the end, that’s what’s most important. The funny and strange thing about hair is that is does grow back and we always have other in-between options (such as wigs or weaves). :) Go for it…I can’t wait to see how fabulous it will look.
To answer your questions, I love who God is transforming me to be and that’s the internal part. I think I have a great outlook on life, I’m generally positive and optimistic but I would have to say that I do think more about my outer appearance simply because I’m overweight and have struggled with my weight for the past several years. I’ve had several major life changes which included a hi-risk pregnancy which I was bed rested for 6-months; several major relocations (for spouse’s work); inability to find employment and lastly, and most recently, a separation in marriage (soon to be divorced). This has all occurred within the last 6 years. I turned to food because it made me feel good but now I can see where the food turned on me. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have determined to take charge of my health but in the meantime I won’t wake up having lost 60lbs. I have to make changes which will get me to the place I would like to be.
Social media has definitely made me more aware of my appearance especially with the ease of uploading photos. It’s one thing for me to control the pictures of myself which go up on Facebook but when other people “tag” me in their photos or upload their photos of me on their page I feel out of control. My solution is to give my “photo taking, Facebook tagging disclaimer” of “Don’t do it!” and the other part is to hide when I see cameras and smartphones lurking around. :)
In the end, we are all wonderfully fashioned and designed by God in His image with a purpose. I believe God wants us to look our best, so we can feel our best and represent Him in the best light. So whether we wear our hair natural, perm it, wear braids God can still get glory from our lives. The wonderful thing about God is that He gave us free will and the ability to choose.
In 2013 and beyond I am choosing a life in Christ. I’m starting off overweight and with a perm but in 6 months I will have lost some of this weight and who knows…I may wear a natural style. :) My desire is to give God glory in all my seasons. :)
**Did I do too much with this answer?!? :)**
Andrea – you didn’t do too much at all! I loved what you said. Praying for you, too – you’re going through a very tough time. I know a little bit about what that’s like. May you find peace and comfort in this difficult season.
Happy New Year Andrea! I’ll answer your last question first….of course not! :) I just told Danielle above and I’m telling you that there’s no such thing as “too much” on this blog. We chat like we’re having a cup of tea or coffee and share whatever we’re led to share. You’re right at home. :) And WOW!!! indeed about the message you heard recently! I love it, and I love that you were led back here as a result. I know what you mean about feeling ostracized (definitely been there), but when you think about it….why is that such a foreign concept? Christ should be before EVERYTHING. How could skin color, which is from HIM, be elevated above Him? You know I could talk about that all day….:)
I agree that hair takes on such a deep meaning for black women….it’s often about so much more than hair. And I love hearing your hair story as well. As one who’s had my hair relaxed most of my life, I nodded when you said, “in a chair getting based….” :) You are SO right in this: “So whether we wear our hair natural, perm it, wear braids God can still get glory from our lives.” AMEN! It’s *always* about the heart (and in my case, God wanted to work in my heart), not about the way we wear our hair.
You have indeed had many HUGE life changes. The 6-month bed rest alone could’ve drastically altered your weight. And a divorce can seem like death, with its own grieving process…I pray God’s healing throughout that process.
I applaud you for wanting to make a change for your health, yet understanding that it won’t happen overnight. One step and one day at a time…but a change WILL occur, and you’ll see it and be encouraged. Keep seeking the Lord as to the “how”….He knows what’s effective for you and will show you. And as for those Facebook pics, make sure you go to the privacy page and check the box that says you have to “approve” all tags! I hate being tagged for all my friends to see before I’ve seen the pic. lol
Many blessings to you as you live life in Christ!
How exciting! I’m rooting for you :-) Wearing natural hair and transitioning to it is so easy now because so many black women have embraced it. I gave up perms more than a decade ago when it was not so popular to do so. I started wearing my hair in its natural (non-flat ironed) state about two years ago but would switch back and forth between straight and “kinky”for lack of a better word. What I found interesting is how the die hard naturals frowned upon straightening! Hair is hair is hair and we should feel free to do with it as we please without being judged or looked down upon. Embrace your “you-ness” again :-) Your beauty on the inside is what shines brightest. Honestly, I’m at a point where outward beauty is not my main concern, I really want to be pretty on the inside. That has been my biggest prayer of late. Looking forward to watching your journey unfold.
Hey Sis! I’m totally smiling…so thankful you stopped by! Okay so, I think I knew you were natural way back when, but I forgot! Love hearing your hair story. It’s funny that you gave up perms more than a decade ago, which is about when I went natural…except I went back to the chemical. ;-) So crazy that some frowned upon you for straightening your hair. We truly have to know who we are and be comfortable in that “you-ness”….otherwise people will drive you nuts! “Hair is hair is hair and we should feel free to do with it as we please without being judged or looked down upon”….YES! Just the way you put this–>”I really want to be pretty on the inside.” Simply stated and beautiful. Me too. :-) I’m going to meditate on that. Thanks so much for sharing my excitement on this journey, sis!