IMAGE (pt. 3): Release the Need for Approval
We live in an age of “likes” and comments. Go to almost any site—news, clothing, books, sporting goods, you name it—and you’ll have the opportunity to “approve” of what’s there. On Facebook, which popularized the phenomenon, most of the interaction is based on whether you “like” a photo, link, or words strung together in a post. And if you’re the one who posted the photo, link, or words, you await . . . “approval.”
Not all of you are on Facebook, but I mention it because it’s a microcosm of the world at large. The system would’ve never worked if people didn’t feel the need to express thoughts and opinions—and a need to be affirmed by others.
How do we operate in such a comment-rich world . . . where the comment may be negative and aimed at you? In the past two weeks, many of you shared about such negative comments, some of which stuck for decades. It’s understandable. At the base of those comments is the sentiment, “I don’t approve.” Who wants to feel that people don’t “approve” of a fundamental aspect of your outward appearance?
But we can’t live and move at the whim of people’s “approval.” Our days shouldn’t rise or fall based on what they like or don’t like about how we look. We can be free. We can gain a godly confidence in how God made us and release the need for affirmation. After all, we have all the affirmation we need, in Christ.
You can watch the video HERE (or below online). Once you’ve watched, here are a few starter questions to think about and discuss:
If you’re honest with yourself, do you tend to need the approval of others?
Which are you prone to do if you get a negative comment: 1) shake it off and keep moving; or 2) take it in your heart and turn it over a million times.
Do you fear being divinely unique?
42 Responses to “IMAGE (pt. 3): Release the Need for Approval”
Yes I do need the approval of others….in fact sometimes on Facebook when I post something and there might be zero likes, it does something to me. Then I start to wonder why? Which then makes me feel self conscious and I internalize these reactions as a means of being not liked by anyone…
If someone were to say something negative, my first reaction is to think what is wrong with them and then what is wrong with me? Why do I get so easily offended? So then I realize I have a choice to make. First I recognize where those thoughts are coming from, the flesh. Then I make a choice to live in the Spirit and as you said I cast my cares. Like you said, people are ever changing and what a comfort to know that our God is unchanging, he is constant in His thoughts toward us.
My hair journey has had its ups and downs, those days when my hair is bigger than usual , or I am frustrated because my curls aren’t just right…then a person comes along and says something like,”not everyone can wear that,” What?? Anyway just to say that God is teaching me constantly how to think in a vertical way and I am still learning!
Thank you Kim for your advice and encouragement!
Oh I forgot one question…yes I do fear being divinely unique because I wonder if I have the strength to accept what comes with that. Yes, I know it’s not me but Christ in me, but sometimes I get caught up in doing things my way. Have you ever felt the the need to be a strong, independent, superwoman? Even though I was not raised that way, I sometimes feel the need to act that way.
However, there are times when my mind has been freshly renewed and I am able to walk in the Holy Soirit boldness and be that unique person God created me to be!
“Have you ever felt the the need to be a strong, independent, superwoman?”….that was my mindset growing up, to be a strong, independent, career woman. But being “divinely unique” is very different (I’m not saying you were saying they were the same, though :)). It might be in something God calls us to do, or it could simply be in the “divine uniqueness” of how He made us….but it’s about walking in Him, being dependent upon Him, and yes! with a Holy Spirit boldness that isn’t concerned what others may say. The irony is that although we may have a trepidation about what others may think, when we do that, some will see something in us that “they” want to follow….because it’s all God. Lord, help us to walk in our divine uniqueness!
Kara,
I am so with you on that Facebook like phenomenon. Lord help me. It wasn’t until I cut my first set of locks 10 years ago and God wouldn’t allow me to get my hair cut by a professional barber was when I realized I had a problem wanting others’ approval. Then when social media came along I realized I still had that problem. Vertical living is truly the way to go and will get us away from caring about what other people think in matters that don’t matter.
Wow, thanks for that Rhonda, your transparency is appreciated. It always helps to know that you are not alone. God not letting you go get your fro shaped in a way pleasing to you, is like this crazy thing that I just cannot get to the shop to get my hair straightened. Lol! I have made plans on more than one occasion since cutting my relaxer off, to get my hair straightened and something always happens! Isn’t that like God?!
I think that is God, Kara. Sometimes, at least for me, God knows that I don’t yet have the courage to do what I need to do so He creates circumstances where I have no choice but to do what He wants. In the end, I’m always okay. LOL. He has an expected end for us and that end is always better than what we have in mind for ourselves.
Rhonda, I know I said it in response to Kara (in which I was talking to you too :)), but it’s so true that social media reveals a lot about where we are. In our day-to-day “real” lives, we probably don’t have to deal much with people’s “approval.” But it’s a daily phenomenon with social media. That’s why I truly did have a heart reaction about the big chop that was based purely on social media….SMH….sad. I can only thank God for checking me and moving me to do this image study. It has helped *me* to focus on what’s important, and I’ve been really in tune to my heart reactions about things, especially on social media. The Lord is so good at showing us what’s in our hearts….and I’m thankful He gives us the grace to come up higher!
Kara, you make me smile because you shoot so straight….”Yes I do need the approval of others”…I love it! I really think Facebook (Twitter too….but FB started it :)) has done something to our psyches. You’re right…if you post something and get zero likes, it has an effect. It could very well be the time of day, people are busy, or it could even be that with the way the FB algorithms change, many people don’t even see your post in their newsfeed. But still, when there’s no likes and no comments, you feel “unapproved.” ;-)
On the flip side, I’m sure you all (I’m talking to Rhonda too, who posted about this and any others who view) have noticed the women who post pics of themselves (often immodestly dressed) clearly craving likes and comments of approval. The men are glad to give it, so they get the attention they wanted. It’s sad, and I often wonder what image issues are at work.
God has been dealing with me about FB since this image series started. I have two pages, my profile page and my author page, where I post the most. When I went to post the first image video on my author page, I felt the Lord moving me to also post it on my profile page. I said, “Lord, most of the people over there probably won’t be interested in this, so I don’t really see the point.” :) The Lord convicted me that my main concern was that I’d post the video and get no response….no “approval.” He let me know that there were people who needed to see the videos who aren’t on my author page, and He would move in their hearts to watch it…..and I needed to check my pride because they probably wouldn’t “like” or comment. OUCH.
So we need to all remember that even though we may get no response to what we post, it doesn’t mean people don’t see it and even take it to heart. There are many lurkers…I’d venture to say most are lurkers. If we feel led to post something, we have to post it and leave it to God….and check the need for approval. I hate social media….lol
Kara, I love hearing about your hair journey with “big hair” and your inner thoughts about it. It illuminates for me that we can think one way about some aspect of ourselves, yet it’s completely beautiful to someone else. So we might as well just cast down those thoughts as soon as they come and walk with a God-confidence. :-)
Kim,
Thank you for this. We can be so much like Peter, taking our eyes off Jesus. Sinking (into sadness, despair, pity, etc.) is inevitable. You are so right that we MUST live vertically.
As I was telling Kara, historically I didn’t think I had a problem with wanting others’ approval UNTIL I couldn’t groom my fro the way I wanted. What I now realize is that people had generally approved of me because I never really stood out in a way that was offensively odd. That is why I didn’t think I ever had a problem with getting others’ approval. Generally, I have always had people’s approval so I never desired to get what I already had. SMH.
I remember in high school being self conscious because my hairstylist had to taper the back of my hair to the scalp from breakage, and she bobbed the rest. I was so afraid that people were going to talk about me being bald in the back. Then an upperclassman raved about my new look and others in earshot nodded in approval. SMH. I was okay then because my odd look was accepted.
God had me cut my locks, which people ALWAYS raved about, and wouldn’t let me get a barber to shape my fro so I could see what was in my heart: pride because of horizontal living. He had to strip me so I could see where I had been living and where I need to live. SMH. I praise God for uncovering me and helping me see how much I looked to others instead of looking to Him. My discipler gave me “Dealing with the Rejection and Praise of Man” by Bob Sorge and that really helped me to begin to have a more balanced view about approval. As I’m slipping back into horizontal living because of social media (‘Why didn’t they like that status?’ or ‘I didn’t receive any comments?’) I believe I need to read it again in this season.
Thanks again for letting God use you.
Rhonda, love the analogy of Peter taking his eyes off Jesus….GREAT visual to keep in mind, sinking “into sadness, despair, pity, etc.”….whew!
I was nodding about your not having a problem with others’ approval until you couldn’t groom your fro (boy oh boy, does God know the specific lessons that will teach us or what??). I could identify because prior to BCing the first time, I never really stood out either, at least in a way that would make people do a double-take in a somewhat negative way. I always got compliments on my hair, and although I wasn’t big on “long hair” (I’d cut it in a MINUTE, and loved my ear-length bob with the tapered back of the head…:))…..there’s still a big difference between short relaxed hair and short natural hair. Short relaxed hair was “fly”….short natural was….mixed opinion.
“He had to strip me so I could see where I had been living and where I need to live.”…..Girrrl!…that’s why the hair journey for many of us is a HEART journey. I know exactly what you mean! So often we don’t know where we *are* until God shows us, and then illuminates our minds as to where we need to be. And then we coast there for a while until He shows us where we *now* are…. “As I’m slipping back into horizontal living because of social media”….yep! Lord, help us. He’s really getting our attention with this one. :)
Lord, position our hearts and minds vertically with regard to social media. Let us not be caught up in likes and comments. Let us be led by Your Spirit in what we post and leave the rest to You. Give us a holy boldness to represent you and to have a godly confidence in how You’ve made us and who You’ve made us to be. Thank You, Lord, for giving us like-minded sisters who are willing to be transparent on this journey. We give you all the praise for what You’re doing in our hearts, for showing us where we are, and for giving us grace to come up higher in vertical living.
Your prayer was right on time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Indeed the hair journey is a heart journey that we can make with prayers like yours that will empower us to look up!
Oh, technology – gotta love it. I had this WHOLE comment typed out and was just finishing up when – BAM – the site mysteriously reloaded and took my comment somewhere into cyberspace :( I do not have the mental fortitude right now to attempt to recover everything I had written, so let me sum it up like this:
Kim, I started laughing so much when you said “She thinks I look horrible – EVERYONE thinks I look horrible”…that is SO me! I am terribly guilty of transferring one person’s strange look or comment onto everyone, and yes, I do get “stuck” on those negative ones. And yes, I do love the approval of others – it’s the “worldly me” at work there I know.
What I most desire for people to see when they look at me is the “presence” that comes from a woman of God, one that goes beyond looks, clothes, hair, body, etc. and into the heart. I know that I need to work on my “public face”, because one of my areas of intense conviction is my tendency to mean mug people when I feel they have looked at me or judged me – like I said before, always in the crucible! :)
I was gleaning so much wisdom from the conversation above among Kara, Rhonda, and Kim….I never thought before that maybe it is God who is keeping me off Facebook, or not letting me get my hair cut in WAYYYYYYY too long…..but that’s such a good point. Maybe He IS trying to tell us all something! :)
Anyways, that’s my (revised) 2 cents….I’m off to find some licorice, because I need about 2 bags of it right now! Love you all……
Oh, Danielle, I *hate* that! I think that happened to Debbie last week…. and you can never remember or relate the words the same way as the first time.
Haha….the transference of ONE to EVERYONE….the mind is a wonder, isn’t it? And the enemy loves to spin those exaggerated tales when we’re vulnerable. The negative look or comment is bad enough; we make it 10x worse once we begin spinning it. “…it’s the ‘worldly me’ at work there I know”…don’t we all know it…we’d like to think we’re above and beyond it, but one “incident” lets us know otherwise. I always wish I could shake something off a little more quickly than I do!
Now I’m the one laughing….the “mean mug” comment! So your expressions are worth a thousand words too?? LOL One time a few months ago, someone said something when we were out (can’t remember if it was rude or what), and my daughter said, “Mom, that wasn’t a very nice look you had just then.” I said, “What?!?” :) She said, “You know that look you can give.” Yikes! lol So I’m with you in the crucible on that one, needing the Lord to give grace in my facial expressions. :)
Oh, sis, I totally think it’s God in both of those circumstances. You’re fine just where you are without Facebook. :) That’s not to say there haven’t been any positives…there have been MANY. Still, if you haven’t been led to join, be happy in your non-”like” world. :))
Hope that licorice was good! Love you too!
Hi Family! Before I get started, Kim…OMGoodness your hair is beautiful. I just had to say that because it is. I know my opinion should not matter and I hope it doesn’t but that style is nice. LOL
I do not need or seek the approval of others. I am not married but I know there will be times when I will consult with my husband about certain things. My daughter can be very blunt sometimes with me when my outfit is not quite right but I give her the “girl, I don’t even care what you or anybody else thinks” look. There is so much freedom in not really caring what other people think. Yes, I think it’s important to look decent. Today, I had on a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt with my church’s logo in rhinestones and a pair of black Converse sneakers. I went to one of the biggest MLK events today and cared not one iota what anybody had to say. I am alright with me and it took me a long time to get alright with me so I cherish that. Now, I can be my worse critic but I am working on that. :)
I just told my daughter the other day that I am different and now as an adult, I realize that I’ve always been different. She realizes she’s different too and we celebrate our uniqueness. She recently had a really bad eczema break out. Today, my mother said “Awww and it messed up her pretty skin.” I QUICKLY said to my mother “no, it did not mess up her pretty skin. Her skin is STILL pretty and I will NOT have my baby growing up with a complex about anything on her body.” My mother agreed with me and simply said “You’re right. I’m sorry.” See in that moment, I had to teach my mother something. This image study is deep in my mind now and it’s made me more aware of so much.
Finally, I am a FIRM believer in “if you don’t have anything good to say, keep your mouth closed.” I know what damaging words can do to a person so if I can’t compliment them, I don’t say anything. I want all my words to be sweet!!!
I know we all wanted to know how we look, so family, I posted a quick “hello” video I made for Kim last year. LOL It’s by no means as snazzy as hers LOL but we get the picture.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhK8F5AsX_g
Hey Tamara! Ha….”I know my opinion should not matter”….LOL!! Compliments are acceptable! :) Thank you!!! You’re so sweet….I think the Lord let me curl it this week since it’ll be gone soon. ;-)
“I do not need or seek the approval of others”….”…cared not one iota what anybody had to say”….well, alright now with your bad self! lol I know that freedom feels GOOD! And I know what you mean about the MLK event because I’m sure some people were dressed up, and we can feel self-conscious if we’re not dressed the same. But I love that you were fine with what you had on. Being your worse critic….someone else mentioned that today. Yes, my dear, be free of that too! :) Seriously, how can that be of God? If He moves us to improve in an area, He supplies the grace….it wouldn’t be a criticism, which makes us feel worse. Just giving you a loving nudge….:D
LOVE that your daughter celebrates her uniqueness! So important for a young woman. And totally LOVE that you spoke up for her with your mother. I’m sure your mother didn’t mean to be negative….but people tend to say those kinds of comments without really thinking. And if left unchecked, they can have a lasting effect. Praise God that the image study is deep in your mind. I’m so thankful for what God is doing in all of us.
“…if you don’t have anything good to say…” YES! That’s why I included that part in the video about pleasant words being like a honeycomb. I don’t know why people feel the need to make a negative comment. I really don’t. Like you said, just keep your mouth closed. And usually, it’s not that hard to find a compliment. Often people have no joy themselves, and they speak out of their own negativity. Sometimes the Holy Spirit prompts me to reach out to strangers and compliment them on their hair or some other aspect (like this past Saturday with a woman with natural hair), and it’s probably because they don’t get those “feel good” compliments. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we all were more purposeful about finding ways to compliment people, to build them up in ways they might’ve been torn down. Use us, Lord!
I loved that video!!! Not as snazzy?? Girl, please….the ocean trumps my little video ANY DAY!!!
Hey Tam! Girl I loved your video….And even though I already knew what you looked like from the pics u sent me via email, I loved hearing your voice!!!!!!! hOW COOL! I feel like I really know yall! And Kim, I forgot to mention but your hair is off the chain, I love it.
Hi Kristian!!!! I feel like we’re family too. I had fun doing the video.
Thank you, Kristian!!! :)
No, my mother didn’t mean it but I know she’ll be mindful of that in the future. To this day, I have never shared with my mother about the issues I dealt with on esteem. She has NO idea I struggled with that. Of course to her, I am very beautiful and if she did know who said it (that I was ugly), she’d probably want to hunt them 30 years later and “get with them.” LOL Y’all don’t know my mama…some things we CANNOT tell her! LOL When I got the makeover back in December, the photographer took a shot of my sister and me together. My mother just recently saw it and her heart melted. I could hear it in her voice and see it in her face. I know what she’s getting for her birthday…
And when a negative comment is made to me, depends on who said it, sometimes it bothers me, other times I shake it off. But it took me a long time to get there. Now, I am working on being free of criticizing myself.
I agree with you about commenting. I don’t normally say much to strangers in the way of compliments because most of the time I am in a zone when I am out in public. LOL But you have surely given me something to ponder.
Oh yes, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t be happy at all to know that someone said that to you! And as a mother, that’s so interesting….to think that my daughter’s whole esteem could be affected right now by someone’s comment, and I don’t know about it. Wow. Just lets you know we have to continually build them up with truth to combat all that’s out there.
Yes, the picture will make a fabulous birthday gift!!!
PS…..my motto “looking sideways will get your feelings hurt!” Ask me how I know!
I tend to do this more with my best friend. Just last week I sent her a picture I took of myself and asked for her opinion and if I should make this picture my new profile on Facebook. She told me that I looked sneaky and that I was up to something. ;)While she was talking my mind just went back and reviewed our topics Look at God. He always know when we need a word.
The older I get I tend to careless about what others say. I’ll shake it off and keep it moving. Like my aunt say can’t cry over spilt milk. Sometimes I do fear being divinely unique, I’m already unique to some, which I think is a good thing.
Ciara, I love it! I love that your mind “just went back and reviewed our topics.” AMEN, look at God!!! I also love that you’re getting in the habit of shaking it off and keeping it moving. Keep walking in that freedom, sis. And while you’re walking, ask the Lord to show you all the ways in which you’re divinely unique, and celebrate them! xoxo
Hello ladies! I love everyone’s comments especially that earlier back and forth interaction. Also Danielle I can also identify with the “mean mugging” face because my face will tell you what I’m thinking/ saying before I even open my mouth it’s hilarious and oh so dangerous. Kim from your video this week I loved the verse of Prov. 16:24 and Col 3:2. I also loved the vertical vs. horizontal living example. It is so easy for me to get caught up in living horizontally and not vertical which would be so much more peaceful and rewarding. I am at a place in life where I’m close to graduating and looking towards the next step and I factor in my father’s approval/opinion when it really should be on my heavenly fathers approval. Not that there is anything wrong considering people when making decisions but it’s a thin line. But to answer the questions I do seek and need approval of man which is hard for me to admit because it seems so shallow. The same holds true when something negative is spoken to me I turn it over and over in my head trying to understand it, rationalize it, or better yet find validation for myself. I do not fear being divinely unique but I am “strugs” when it comes to walking it. This study really is an eye opener for me in a lot of ways. It’s time for me really embrace living vertically. Thanks Kim! I hope today has been an awesome Monday and that you all have a great week!
Hey Felecia! You raise a really good point about it being okay to consider people’s opinions when making decisions, and parents are a great example, like your dad. It IS good to have a close circle whose opinions you trust. These are people who would have your best interest at heart and would never seek to hurt you. These are people who would be honest…IN LOVE… about things you can improve upon. We still have to guard our hearts, though, because sometimes even the well-intentioned can make critical comments. Parents love us and have our best interest at heart….but once we’re adults, even *their* counsel should be weighed as to whether it’s beneficial or overly critical. (I say this as a parent myself; Lord, help me. :)) “I do seek and need approval of man which is hard for me to admit because it seems so shallow”…I hope you feel better knowing you’re not alone as you read the comments. When I think about it, it does seem shallow, but it’s so REAL…it can hit deeply when others don’t approve of something. But by God’s grace, we can move beyond that….we can LIVE beyond that, which is my prayer for us all. “I do not fear being divinely unique but I am “strugs” when it comes to walking it”….don’t be “shrugs” about it! lol Walk with purpose in your divine uniqueness. Seek the Lord about how you can use that uniqueness for His glory.
“It’s time for me really embrace living vertically”….YES, YES, YES! :) Cheering for you! Lord, let it be so! Blessings, sis!
Hey Blog Family,
Thought it was time I jumped in on the vlog. Hey Kim! Hey Everyone! Okay….Yes, in many ways I used to fee that I need others approval. I used to want ppl to comment on my pics when I was on FB, or to comment on how cute an outfit looked on me or my hair. But then I….moved to TX. And it’s sad actually becuase something about the people here, the women here especially don’t compliment each other. Ppl here don;t have that Southern Hospitality where they make you feel welcome and warm and cute. SO it was a hard reality, but I got over it. But for some reason, I still want the approval of attractive/cute men. And I’m single, never dated or mated so yes in a way I sometimes feel that’s needed for me, and when it doesn’t happen it makes me feel sad or not “pretty enough” or “skinny enough”, mostly “not enough”. Oooh it’s got me sad just thinking about it. As far as question 2, I have to keep it real with yall and say when I recieve a neg comment I stew it over in my mind time after time. I think on it and ponder on it and sometimes wonder why would that person say that about me. I think the worst times are when it is an untrue comment. Like if someone said that I was lazy, in reference to being plus size. That would really tick me off, because I’m the least lazy person I know. But if someone said that I’m particular, or like things my way, those things would not hurt me because it’s true. I don’t fear being divinely unique! I want the whole world to know. I want ppl everywhere to know my testimony and to know my story. I want to share it, yes that I am a 25 yr old Virgin and very proud of it. I’ve never dated nor ever mated. I am pure. Anything else, I want ppl to just ask. :) I’m an open book, to be used by God. Love yall blog family!
Hey Kristian! I was sad to read that comment about your experience in Texas. It’s interesting how areas can differ in terms of the “climate” and how people behave socially. I never had an issue in Dallas, but I got plugged into my church home at North Dallas Community Bible Fellowship pretty soon after we moved there, and LOVED it. The people were always kind, so that made a difference. So if you ever want to visit a church….:) I can totally see wanting the approval of “attractive/cute men” as a single woman…and being sad feeling you’re “not enough.” That’s an awful feeling… I would encourage you to ask yourself, “Not enough for whom?” God says YOU’RE ENOUGH….and COMPLETE, in Christ. Every time those thoughts come….seriously….turn them vertical. Look straight to the Lord and see yourself through His eyes. And those comments, like lazy??? You definitely need to shake that off the MINUTE they come. They don’t know you, and they’re being ignorant. But like you said, if someone knows you and says you’re particular or some other aspect of your “divine uniqueness”….praise the Lord! :) You *have* to be particular to still be a virgin at 25….and all the blog sisters applaud you and say, “GLORY TO GOD!!!!” I love your heart and your transparency, sis!
I’ve been there too Kristian. And honestly, I still have issues with that at times. I have to fight off the thoughts of being “not enough” when it comes to dealing with some men at times. This is rooted in years of rejection from man after man. It can really be a blow to a sister’s confidence. I finally got to the point where I had to just BE with God to let Him rebuild me. But now, I am armed with the Word so things are much brighter.
That’s soooo awesome Tamara! Soooo glad to hear that it doesn’t affect you the same anymore. Praise God for that! And thanks again for keepin it real with me. :)
Always Kristian!
“I finally got to the point where I had to just BE with God to let Him rebuild me”….AMEN! We all need that BE time and we all need His hand of rebuilding. Did we include that as one of our “RE” words last week?? That’s an awesome one!
I’m not sure but that is a good one.
I am in a finance class at church. Since the image study started, I’ve been thinking about how many of us have made bad financial choices and decisions trying to live up to an image or trying to cover up our hurt derived from lies we’ve been told about us. That has been on my mind for two weeks now!
Tam,
That’s a very interesting thought, and probably really true! People trying to “buy happiness” or conform to what the world thinks we should look like/dress like/etc…..
Excellent food for thought, Tamara. I definitely think that’s true. People go into debt trying to buy certain clothes or even cars to live up to a certain image. When you think about it, how silly is that? I’m going to buy what I can’t afford so someone else will approve of me?? OR, I can release the need for approval, live within my means, and be at peace….
My pastor told me once that I had a steel trap mind. I harbor on the good and the bad. Sometimes I dwell too much on that which has wounded me. It may take hours or even the rest of the day or evening.
Most times I wish I didn’t do it, because it is hurt that I’m holding on too. I think that if I could vent about it that it would be released sooner. Never did I think to take it to God! I suppose those times it happens, I’m in it and angry or upset.
Do I fear being divinely unique? This is an answer I have never considered. But I sense that with that comes a separation, which I’m already experiencing. Let me come back to that. :-)
Lyn, you’re definitely not alone in dwelling on that which has wounded you. It’s hard NOT to because it hurts. But I truly have gotten to the point where I will just talk (vent :)) to God in those moments. It does WONDERS to send it vertical. In exchange for my venting, my hurt, my frustration, He gives grace and, if needed, a little conviction if I was wrong as well. ;-) I always leave those times feeling tons better, drenched in love and grace and peace. He ministers to us like no one else can. :-)
Hi beautiful ladies!
It’s been a while since I’ve commented, but I agree with every post you’ve written on this subject (as I do with most of your posts ;-)). It wasn’t until after June 2011 that I began to receive compliments on how beautiful I was. I wouldn’t even expect people to say things at first, but as I began to hear more and more compliments out of the blue, I began to expect them more and more. From anyone. Men and women alike.
Before then, I had NEVER thought I was beautiful. I distinctly remember one time when I was afraid to look at myself in the mirror at my job because I thought I was unattractive. I had a lot of spiritual issues back then (like I still don’t have them (ha)), so that may have had a bearing on my view of myself.
Now, it is an issue that I feel has gotten out of control within myself. I get complimented by the high school boys (and you know how their hormones are raging). I know I shouldn’t expect compliments. I should be thanking God all the time (and I do), because He’s making me beautiful on the inside, and I know THAT shines on the outside. My heart’s desire is to be beautiful for the Lord, and I want to live out Proverbs 31:30 (Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain/fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.) This is my heart’s cry, but I am allowing pride to stand in the way. I know that some people WISH to have a problem as “easy” as this, but it really is an ongoing thing that I HAVE to keep before the Lord.
I write this as I sit here at Milano’s (an Italian restaurant here in Warrenton). Not only am I fighting pride, I also have to learn how stand up in my classroom, with students who have been allowed to get away with so much. I am understanding my role as a teacher at Warren County High School a little more each day; I have to TEACH these students HOW to behave, how to respect one another, how to, how to, how to…I’m going to be the bad guy, but God has me in this season for a purpose (to stretch me from being a passive individual to being one who is unafraid to challenge anyone who’s out of order-in a loving, firm way of course:-)).
So much is going on in the world, and we’ve gotta stay prayed up! I am praying for you all. Kim, you are rocking the mini ‘fro! I love it! *teamnatural*
Hey Janelle! Wow….God has really been doing a work IN you! I can’t believe you never thought you were beautiful…even afraid to look in the mirror. That makes me sad just to imagine being in that place. :( But now, to see and know that the Lord is making you beautiful on the inside, and that it’s shining on the outside….to the point where you’re getting all kinds of compliments….WOW! And yet you’re also mindful of having to check the pride (oh, don’t we all run into this problem in one area or another…). Isn’t it amazing how we can swing from one side of a spectrum to the other?? Teaching is truly a gift, and I commend you for growing in that role and for *wanting* to grow. What a ministry! I pray God’s blessings upon you in that.
And thanks so much for the *teamnatural* love, my sister! :) I’m just trying to rock it like you!
Wow this is very helpful to me.i am living in a box. I have a pretty strong personality so most times i do what i want sometimes regardless of what even my heavenly father says because its too heavy to not b honest. But sometimes i dont even know im walking in deception and God has to show me my real motives for what i do. Whether its dress or mate or whatever. I want to get to where what others say is of no consequence but alas sometimes it is. Especially in religious settings bc i feel like a heathen and dont know what tge word of God says so when others reject me i get shook. But my achilles heel is approval from men. If they dont approval i get upset ive got a hundred hulla hoops in my closet bc i been jumping through so many and now im tired and dont know who i am and sometimes fight with God about who He says i am versus who I say i want to be. So there.
Alli, something you said jumped out at me….that you don’t know what the word of God says. I’m encouraging you to start and remain in the Word…read…study…immerse. That will be your life-changing grace. You don’t have to jump through a hundred hula hoops :)….focus on ONE thing right now, the Word of God. Blessings, sis.
my hair is growing out and it doesnt grow down, unless i straighten. but i dont use chemicals on my hair. But have contemplated it when it was unruly. but it wont grow down, meaning lay flat its curly and grows into a BUSH. the point it it was uncomfortable at first like ‘are people looking at my hair’ why wont she just comb it (it breaks my hair) or wanting it to be allquiet and calming, but unless God wants it to do that i have nothing for you. I am just now getting used to all of me. its not easy.
Girl, rock your hair the way it naturally grows. Love this…”I am just now getting used to all of me”…yes! Appreciate the hair He gave you….and enjoy it too! :)