Getting Older
This month marks the 20th anniversary of my graduation from law school. This spring marked my 25th anniversary in my sorority. I’m getting older. It’s sinking in.
It’s kinda bothering me.
Some of you are laughing. I know I’m not that old. But I’ve really been thinking that I’m approaching the “upper end” of things. Tomorrow is never promised, but in my 20s and 30s, there seemed to be so much time, so much ahead. Now, I feel more of an urgency. Time seems to be dwindling.
I also kinda like it.
I like the urgency, the sense of real purpose. The older I get—in years but especially in the faith—the less I care what people think. The older I get, the less I fear. The older I get, the more I understand that I am truly “just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:13
If I’m just a vapor that appears for a little while, I can set my mind to endure any trial. If my life won’t last but a “little while,” then the trial certainly won’t. If I’m just a vapor that appears for a little while, I can set my mind to walk in obedience. Will God’s grace not see me through this “little while?” If I’m just a vapor that appears for a little while, I can pray to make the most of it, to give my best in it, to glorify God in it.
If I’m just a vapor that appears for a little while, I guess it doesn’t matter how old I am. I was a vapor at 4, at 24, and now at 44. I don’t know how much “little while” I’ll get on this earth, but I pray to live it with purpose and boldness, with energy and passion, and with zest and determination.
That’s what I’m thankful for this week, to be an older vapor. :-)
How about you? What are you giving thanks for this week? In light of Wednesday’s post, anyone see any “mercies in disguise?”
20 Responses to “Getting Older”
Kim, Kim, Kim…you provoke way too much deep thinking!! LOL First, let me tell you that the first thing I thought of when I read your post was a song that was sung by Billy Dean called “Only Here For a Little While”. That song probably ages me a bit, but it is one I always liked and made so much sense!
I would have to say that I am glad I’ve always driven cars that, like me, are a work in progress. Don’t get me wrong, one day I would like to have a car that is brand new or nearly brand new, but for now, I’m thankful I don’t have one. Of course, one plus is that my cars are paid for. Yes, they are older, but a car payment is something I don’t have to deal with. Insurance is cheaper because the car isn’t worth what it would cost me to pay for full coverage, so I can carry just liablity. But the best part is when something goes wrong, I have an uncle who I can call and he will take care of me.
My father has never really been a part of my life. Currently, he lives a half hour away and we don’t talk. Right now, it is healthiest for me to love him from a distance. It’s about that healthy boundry stuff. However, my uncle Kenny has been more than an uncle to me, in many ways, he has been like a dad to me.
As we all know, life can be busy. Even living in the same town, way too much time can go by before you see someone you care about. When my car has an issue, it allows me the chance to connect with him. It is a chance for us to catch up or talk about old memories. It is a chance for God to remind me that while I’ve often thought I had NO good male role models in my life, there were a few. It is a chance for God to remind me that while I always saw myself broken beyond being lovable, that was a lie the enemy told me. It is a chance for God to remind me that not every man in my life has a mission to hurt me in some way.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been a complete mess over an issue my car is having and my uncle Kenny walks in, hugs me, brushes my tears away, and somehow in that time he was able to fix whatever the issue was. Those are the moments I understand even more that that is just what God does in our life. Maybe He doesn’t always “fix” things in the way we have in mind, but, instead, what He knows is best for us.
So, while it can be inconvenient for my car to have an issue, being able to connect with the man I am always proud to call my uncle is never inconvenient!! Yes, for now, I will keep driving my car that, like me, has issues now and then and be thankful for it!!
Love and hugs to you, my sweet friend! :)
That’s beautiful, Jessie! You are always seeing the bright side of things, and that’s such blessing. How awesome that car issues are also an opportunity for you to connect with your uncle. And it’s doubly awesome that you see a spiritual connection…”Those are the moments I understand even more that that is just what God does in our life. Maybe He doesn’t always ‘fix’ things in the way we have in mind, but, instead, what He knows is best for us.” Amen! You always light up the place around here. :) Thankful for you!
And you always make me cry! But I’m smiling at the same time!! You’re too sweet!!
Hahaha…an old vapor. That’s good, Kim. I’m sorry for laughing; I’m not trying to be insensitive, but that was really funny. It took me aback a bit. I guess because though I read “old vapor,” my mind inserted “old fart.” Why? Years of conditioning. Please forgive me. ;-) That just goes to show ya that we’ve gotta be selective about what we expose ourselves to. :-)
This week, I am thankful for many things. I’m thankful for my family, for rest, for friendly conversation, and for Life lessons. In fact, regarding Life lessons, the beautiful lessons I learned here on your blog this week have impacted my heart very much. I won’t perseverate anymore than I already have, but this “old vapor” loved, loved, loved and loves the “mercies in disguise” lesson.
My “mercies in disguise” revolve around a personal struggle between established religiosity and raw, authentic worship. This is a vast topic that God is doing some things with in my life in a grand and great way. I have been challenged with “hard trials” internally and externally with this matter. But I have to tell you that that message – mercies in disguise – got me thinking. Perhaps, maybe, my struggle is about getting me to a purer place of raw, naked worship. I mean, I have been praying, moaning, and crying out to God about having a true, holy union minus the legalistic beliefs and practices that I grew up exposed to. Practices that conditioned me – brainwashed me even – in not so God ways. Could it be that in those “hardest trial” instances, associated with the aforementioned, that is where God meets me with tender loving care and His outstretched arm even more than the more He already does?
Rambling, right? Sorry, but I told you this message was a doozy for me.
Ahh…I have so much more to say. Alas, I will end here, but I thank you and all of the people who comment in this community. I appreciate the hearts, wisdom, and lessons that you all share so freely. Sincerely, I love you with the love of Christ.
Blessings,
Kim T
P.S. Uh…I guess I did perseverate. With that in mind, I would like to say that I am thankful for patient and tolerant hearts and grace, of course.
Tehehe
Hehe…don’t mind you laughing at all, my friend…I was laughing at myself! :) I’m just rejoicing that God knew what we needed with the “Blessings” song. It spoke to so many, and I’m praying that God uses that song to bless even more as it illuminates our hearts and minds to His perspective. I’m chewing on your words about your “struggle between established religiosity and raw, authentic worship.” It IS a vast topic, and it’s awesome that you’re crying out to God about it. I’ve often said that we need to be willing to ask God to strip us of error, manmade tradition…whatever is not of Him…which moves us closer to that true worship. I love that you’re doing that, Kim! Didn’t I say something about God-chasers on Wednesday? :) “Could it be that in those “hardest trial” instances…that is where God meets me with tender loving care and His outstretched arm even more than the more He already does?” Uh, yeah. He will reward your seeking in a profound way. He WANTS you to know the truth and to engage Him with raw worship. He will establish that in your life. (AND YOU ARE NEVER RAMBLING. :)) YOU appreciate the hearts, wisdom, and lessons shared in this community? Oh my goodness, you’re such a part of it! If you appreciate it, I far more so. :) Thankful for your raw heart and your raw chasing after God. Love you, sis!
Kim
I have been feeling pretty much the same as you. I turned 43 in March and in April it seems I have started with perimenapause. Emotions are way out of control and I feel like I am in high school again. Especially now that my husband and I just celebrated 28 yrs of our first date. I feel like I was warpped into another life in 94 with the birth of my first child and am just emerging 6 pregnancy laters with my baby turning 5 in August. I thought God had given me something to define who I am when I went to WOF. So many things that had nothing to do with family and kids were happening to me. Iwas starting to feel like a real person again. But in the past few months I have seen that was propably more my vision. My mission is right here in my home and God really wants me to come to enjoy and embrace my role as wife and mother. I love my family, don’t get me wrong… I just haven’t been able to humble myself in it. I was an only child and I always prayed for a large family so they are an aswered prayer. I just am not a cook and a cleaner. My house is always tidy but it isn’t baseboard clean if you know what I mean. But with all the interuptions and my lack of train of thought lately… before I break into a hot flash or start crying all over my phone for unknown reasons, I will say this week I. Am thankful for all of you who post here. That everyone is kind and encouraging to each other.
God bless all of you.
Kim S.
Ps excuse any errors as I am on my cell because my laptop is down and these buttons on here are getting harder to see each day ! ;oP
Thank you God for this reassuring message! I thought I was only one going through this!!! God surely lets us know that we are not alone and he is walking with us through these trials (health and family). Thanks for sharing.
Aww, Kim, this brings tears to my eyes. I can so feel your heart in this post. I have been there. My first book was published in 1999, and I thought I’d be publishing away after that. God had other plans. He said, nope, you’ll be at home with your toddlers, focusing on your first (and main) ministry as wife and mom. I had to reorient my focus and truly embrace the season. I put everything on the altar and said, “Your will, Lord, not mine.” My next book wasn’t published until 2008. When I began touring with WOF last year and this, I thought God was moving me more outside the home. But as you know, the door closed. And once again, I’m reorienting and embracing the season, given that my kids are still at home. It’s interesting you said, “My mission is right here in my home.” The book that really opened my eyes and changed me a few years ago was Sally Clarkson’s The Mission of Motherhood.” If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It will encourage you. Embrace the season, my friend. It’s truly short (remember the vapor :)). And don’t worry about those baseboards…I hardly ever do! I am so, so thankful that you come and post here. Your comments are always from the heart. So appreciate you! (((HUGS)))
A couple of days ago, I was hit with the “fear” of getting older. I never use to worry about it, but now since I will be entering a new decade in less than a month and a half, I’m a little bothered. Of course I’m happy to have lived this long, healthy and without any major problems, however, I can’t help but think about how much everything will change! Will I not be as active? Will gravity began it’s toll on my body? Will things slow down majorly? When it comes down to it, getting older happens to all of us and there’s nothing we can do about it. Just as we enjoyed our youth, we can also enjoy our maturity in a different way. You have certainly listed many things to look forward to as we mature. I pray that I can welcome “getting older” with open arms.
Tamarria, it’s so funny because we hear of others (often in comedy shows :)) fret about getting older, but then it actually happens to us! And yes, gravity is taking a toll…and slow metabolism too! I’m seeing more gray hairs pop up and a wrinkle under my eye. *sigh* But I’m encouraged when I see people two decades older than I am living life to the full. Life with God is one great adventure, and I think that’ll last all our days on earth…even if the adventure looks and feels a little different. :)
Kim this post was right on time! I was having the same thoughts, and would often lament on the fact that the young cashiers were calling me Ma’am. LOL. I would run home and tell Brett, that I am not a Ma’am! And, he would reassure me that I am getting older and that it is not a bad thing. So, after reading your post, I will now say that I am not older, but “seasoned vapor”. Love it! God sure cheers us up when we need it..
Pam, I know!! I feel the same when people call me, “Mrs. Tate.” I’m looking around for Bill’s mom. LOL I’ll say, “Call me Kim” just so I can feel young. :) And why did I go on campus last month for the Block Show? Those undergraduates could be my kids! When I was in college, if someone who graduated more than twenty years ago came on campus, I thought they were ancient. Lord, help me…:) Yes, yes, we’re seasoned vapors! We’re wise and mature! Our youth is being renewed like the eagle! (We can let those old roommates Bill and Brett be the “old” ones. LOL)
This post made me smile. Maybe not the part about being a vapor, although it’s true and I do relate. But the part about you kinda liking getting older. Sounds like you are doing some treasure hunting and finding some of the bounty that goes along with becoming “more mature.”
Last week I turned 48. Did I just say that out loud? Oh me. I was sick on my birthday. That’s never fun. But it was one of the first years in awhile that I felt at peace with growing a year older. This was a hard year (as you know) which made me appreciate another year of walking with God…and Him walking with me. And now that you mention it, that whole vapor thing can be a real comfort some days. :-)
I’m often plagued with concern that I won’t accomplish what God has planned for me. I felt like I had a better handle on what that was in my earlier years.
Now that my husband has retired (although he’s working on coming out of retirement) and our only son is a senior in college I’m feeling a little lost. It’s strange how we wait for things like retirement & then when they happen we don’t know what to do with them. I’m still trying to find a new “normal” if there is any such thing.
Yet, as always, I’m encouraged as I read this post. It comforts me to know that I’m not alone. We’re all getting older. It makes me think that perhaps I need to view my situation differently. And of course it reminds me that each day is a gift.
How great to share those gifts with friends like you!
*GASP* Did I miss your birthday last week? How did that happen?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :) So we’re not too far apart in age. (Yep, I said it out loud too. :)) You have such a God-perspective on getting older. Love this part…”It’s strange how we wait for things like retirement & then when they happen we don’t know what to do with them.” Ha. We’re always “waiting” for something, aren’t we? And I’m not talking about the God-imposed kind of waiting. Some things we can embrace right now, whatever and whomever He puts in our path. Each day is indeed a gift. And I too am thankful to share it with you! :)
Double GASP. I feel like I missed my birthday, too. But instead of a “do-over” I’m going to wait until next year. :-)
I’ll have you know that this post caused me to inspect my hair. It’s been awhile since I’ve colored it and I thought it was time to take a better look. I didn’t like what I saw. So I’m thanking God for a little help from Loreal for now. LOL!
Yes, we are always waiting on something. Now I’m waiting for my husband to find a job and go out of retirement so that we can try it again with our nest totally empty. However, should that plan fail I truly am grateful for each and every day.
After I wrote my comment, I realized that I’d forgotten to say what I was thankful for. I’m thankful for LIFE and all of the lessons that come with it. God is using them to shape us. I can’t think of anything greater to be than clay in the Potter’s hands.
PS: I never would have dreamed we were so close in age. I thought you were a young whipper snapper just humoring me in my advanced years. Ha!
Hi Kim, it is funny that you bring up “getting old”. My husband and I talk about it more often now than we used to. :) Like, are we going to have time to do some more of the projects that we would like to do. :) But, thank God for the blessing of getting old!!! I love having birthdays! :)
Hugs,
Zelma
Miss Zelma, you are so cute!! Why am I not surprised that you love having birthdays? I want to be like you when I grow up. :) And you are such a blessed woman….not only did you have a blessed relationship with your dad, plus you have a blessed relationship with the friends you regularly see (yep, I remember :)), AND you have a blessed relationship with your husband. How awesome that you two talk about the projects you’d like to do when you have time. You are still thriving in your marriage, and that’s such an encouragement. Thank you for shining your light! (((HUGS)))
This is funny…I know I am late reading this but I was just sitting here the other day and looking a my five gray hairs like…what on earth is this??? Then I said ok I AM 34 years old but, really? More than one gray hair?? Then I said thats what happens to stay at home moms….LOL! You are right, though it does renew a sense of purpose and with that comes more determination to do what Christ wants us to do while we can. Thanks again bff:)
Kara, you know I’m sitting here shaking my head at you. You are a baby! LOL Girl….I’m a good 10 years older, with lots of gray strands poking through. :) But I didn’t know it was because I’m a stay at home mom! LOL You are blessed to have such a sense of purpose at a young age. Truly. I love the way you glorify the Lord, bff:)